Fear of Losing Sanity

Times have changed now.  Today is not like 70's or 80's when there were no suicide bombers, not much hyped security measures, no load-shedding for 8-8 and 12-12 hours.  No targeted killings and no mob-killings like the Sialkot incident. And, of course, no drone attacks.

Strolling in Anarkali in summer nights with a bottle of coke to be returned positively, on the Mall road in March nights, with two chain smokers on either side, to get a piece of beetle leaf (paan) from Mola Bux at Regal Chowk, cycling along the canal, alone in foggy nights with pocketful of peanuts or chilghoza,  was so pacifying that I badly miss it today.  My friends of 70's, who either left Lahore or went abroad, may also be going through the same nostalgic feelings.


Pak Tea House was always crowded and not our preferable choice though we missed the company of many famous writers and poets.  Now that seems to be an irreversible loss.  But then it's no use crying over spilt milk.

Lahore city still remains awake throughout night but not like those days.  An air of scare, uneasiness and uncertainty makes your subconscious restless inside.


The nuisance of Chinese three-wheelers, high beams of every single oncoming car, loud music, wrong parking and unbearable pollution has caused irreparable cracks in the peace and tranquility of Lahore.


Shifting out of Lahore seems to be the only solution but practically doing so is more agonizing for many reasons.

I, along with thousands like me, am either a complacent and lethargic creature or perhaps too emotional about Lahore to leave it.

Living under these circumstances is a continuous torture particularly when none of your old friends is available for late night company.  Finding people of congenial interests and making friends with them is like drilling through Mount Everest to make a tunnel.


Staying at home without a computer and internet connection is not a suggestible resolve as every person at home is busy either watching television, chatting on Facebook or doing something of not your interest.


I don't know whether Cafe Midnight is a back-doorway to escape from the realities of life or perhaps to get energized for another day of battling with the fear of losing sanity?  I have just created it with a view to expressing something very personal only to selected friends initially.


Seems as if we are fighting on one hundred frontiers, everyday, every hour and every moment, against deadly external and vicious internal forces.  To me, the most fierce and brutal combat is for protecting our sanity that we cannot afford to lose at any cost.  The weakest point at our end is that we don't get any reinforcements from any quarters.  Everybody is fighting all alone.  


The more sensitive you are, the more dangerous an enemy you have to encounter.  The fear of losing sanity is the real enemy and to overcome fear you don't need any drones, stealth bombers, nuclear-powered sub-marines or extremely trained forces loaded with heavy warfare gadgets.  


All you need is a will power, determination and an obdurate attitude to win.  That's exactly what I am doing at the moment.  You take care of your frontier and don't hesitate to sacrifice anything to protect your sanity.  Living in a state of fear is the worst thing a human being can accept to stay alive. 

Break the shackles of fear right at this moment.